I am a girl, that has had a measure of sexual education and I obviously have an opinion about sex! By any measure, one should never be constrained to behave according to predefined standards. We are forced to choose between being either slutty or frigid, without any right of in-between.
These concepts shouldn’t even exist…
How the hell can you expect people not to feel remorseful for everything they do? How do you expect anyone to respect your body? How can you have the slightest positive experiences and when would it actually be the right time to start your sexual life? I have got my own answers to these questions, wanna see?
Surprisingly, I don’t have to be Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the city” in order to write about that.
For those unfamiliar with her, she wrote her impressions about love and sex in a widely read newspaper from New York. I loved that series. I admit that the main reason for which I started to watch it was the magic word from the title, but that is not the point of this article.
I want to shed some light regarding sexual education. Yes! No spicy stories, no tips and tricks. Boooooring, righto?
Dear reader, give me a chance and keep on reading. I promise you… I promise you blood and salt. Okay, maybe I should refrain from empty promises… I want to try to make you fall in love with the way I write. Perhaps, you will appreciate the boldness of the language or, perhaps, the purgatorial style of the conveying the message. Just keep reading because this is excruciatingly misunderstood, yet quintessential.
I hope, for starters, that this is a well known fact. Sexual education is not Kama Sutra. It does not represent, in any form, teaching young people how to fuck in acrobatic positions. There, I said it bluntly enough for all of you to perceive this piece of reality.
Sexual education teachers DO NOT tell children or teenagers: ”You have armpit forests. You have got your periodic, satanic blood waterfall. You like each other… Done, go bang together like Independence day fireworks! We are fancy and it is cool to start our sexual life right after we need two digits to tell our age.” No fucking way!!!
Sexual education does not encourage early or unsafe exploration of one’s sexuality.
I had been watching Youtube videos (SEXUL vs. BARZA, which is a little-known Romanian channel. The name literally translates to SEX vs STORK) since I was twelve. Now I am seventeen. During these five years I have not become a tramp or sexual delinquent due to the fact that I exposed myself, without my parents’ consent, to educational materials.
Materials, which proved way MORE EDUCATIVE than a traditional Biology book with two diagrams of the reproductive system and three short “explanations”. I can shamelessly boast with the fact that I successfully started high school. I am almost a grade A student without false modesty. The, somewhat minor, fact that I had the opportunity to write in this online magazine for teenagers (find more about us on Facebook and Instagram) proves that I am a good and respected influence for the community I live in.
Sexual education made my life better, by making it safer to fully enjoy. I kept away from the worst possible things that could happen to an under-age girl. Especially important for girls from Romania or some other third and second world country with poor, god forsaken regions. Teen and more horribly, pre-teen, pregnancy, STD’s (sexually-transmitted diseases) or psychological trauma.
Sex-ed helped me contour three important rules concerning sex. I will never willingly give up on them : consent, hygiene and psychophysiological maturity.
I am speaking from a female’s point of view. If you are a dude and you have ever been sexually assaulted by a girl, I am profoundly sorry for you, because your case is a rarity. At least from a media standpoint.
Back to the task at hand, as a girl, before you have sex, you MUST mentally foresee all the aspects of the following list: why, what, when, where, how, for how long and with who it happens.
Before even considering accepting an offer, you must have all the answers to all these questions… Answers that fit both your needs and the ones of your partner. More precisely, do you like the room of the student’s hostel or a park bench? Do you want it to happen somewhere else, such as a clean room, hidden from the curious people or cameras? Is he respecting you, or are you just a trophy girl for him?
At the age of fourteen you receive a piece of plastic certifying your freewill. Your ID card is supposed to mean you choose and assume the consequences of what you do…
But you can say NO to any kind of harassment no matter the age!
If somebody bends your will, I hope, from the depth of my soul, that you will find the power to report it to security. No matter who we talk about, a rapist or a bloke who did not stand in line at the supermarket.
No matter how much he paid for flowers or if he has charisma and seems polite. It is irrelevant if he had wanted you for so long or if the foreplay was perfect. If he pretends to suffer from physical pain if he does not fuck you in the name of love-making (minus the love part), then DON’T DO IT!!! Sex or any other erotic actions that you don’t feel like doing in the very moment. If you were a little drunk, dizzy, playful, naughty, flirtatious, you supposedly “gave him signals” that you might possibly want to have sex, then you change your mind, it is all right. If he is doing something nice for you and later he is waiting for the ”payback”… He actually did everything for himself and I am afraid there is no need to say why.
Water, soap and a place where you feel safe from all curious eyes. Just so you know, there is oral sex condom/ dental dam and if one of the two wants to use it, then it is how it has to be. A woman is allowed to protect herself from pregnancy and STIs, thus, from abortions…
All without abstinence. Also, for those who did not know already, here are some shocking news. There are internal condoms for women. There are differently sized tampons for all body types (during puberty, or grown enough/mature) and sex does not cure acne. Maybe there are some more things that should be said about this topic, but this is all I know for certain at the moment.
Maybe the first two rules were obvious; something expected. The third I consider to be the most important.
However, this is the one that gets the least attention.
A certain age group thinks that starting your sex life at the age of twelve is way too early (I agree) and the best contraceptive method is abstinence until you see yourself with a ring on your aptly named ring-finger. Then you take his name and maybe, maybe, you get some action.
Dear Sharon, here comes the killer. Your twelve-year old girl is more likely to abuse her sexuality if she is improperly informed about it. Bad, overly strict parenting and misinformation are the leading causes for early pregnancies and the, oooh so scary, abortions. If she has no idea that she has to control her needs and refine her instincts, she will eventually follow them!
So *drum roll* here comes the most important part!
3. PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGICAL MATURITY
Psychophysiology is, according to Psychophysiology – Wikipedia ”the branch of psychology that is concerned with the physiological bases of psychological processes”.
I study social sciences, so don’t expect too much anatomy from me! But even if I haven’t studied these things, I can understand the meaning of this word. Well, psychological = regarding mind, soul and physiological = regards the damn body.
Psychological actions affect the body and physiological actions affect the psyche, simple as that. In other words, if you have a crush on somebody for their charisma and looks, you will blush every time they walk your way. If you masturbate, you will feel that you got rid of some sexual tension, normal for your species and age. Small actions, with noticeable effects!
Auntie Mary, pay attention, now I will hit you below your belt of ignorance
You want your girl to stay a virgin for longer, don’t you? Tell her that if she had not finished to grow in height or if she has an irregular period; if she does not know enough about the anatomy of the male and female body, then wait and see a damn doctor!
Hurrying up is risky and there is a short time since you have been with your stereotypical George. We can agree it can be heartbreaking if you two break up now, while you are a virgin. Having reached the level of intimacy that sex involves would, eventually, lead to a bigger emotional damage to you. Especially if George has only watched porn and has never opened a Biology book.
Pornography is really bad for one’s sexual expectations.
Sex ed made me understand that if my body has not finished its growth process (the development of my gender characteristics and the adjustment of optimal hormone quantities of my brain) I should not have sex. Never care for what they do/say, the ”opportunities”, the cruel hormones making your bad/sad mood. I do not feel ready, I don’t do it. I am not making reference to youth regrets as a reason against it, but this might be a thing, quad-même.
A night full of serotonin is not worth months of cortisol, till we get over and find another muse.
I won’t say anymore in order not to beat around the bush. Anyway… why did I write this article? I firmly believe I think as healthy as I can. I don’t expect my words to be mind-blowing and educate the whole world. However, I know for sure that there are teenagers who think as I do and enjoy relatable, safe stuff from internet.
No matter who you may be, a child/ still a virgin/ not a virgin anymore/ old, the word sex creates curiosity and controversy. The world needs it for entertainment, physiological need and as the way of spreading our genes. This is why we need sexual education.
In the end, this is my point of view and I want to show my gratefulness to Adriana from SEXUL vs BARZA
Without your videos, a lot of teenagers, including myself, would have never received essential information that you provided us. We wouldn’t have created ourselves a healthy view about sexuality, the opposite sex, our body, menstruation and the LGBTQ+ community. Thank you for your work! You are a role model for me!
This is a material received from my own mother. It contains info about how teenagers should not have sex before marriage and that contraception leads to sterility (only if you’ve taken the ones which do not suit your body’s needs). This would have been the best information I would have received without the advised information of SEXUL vs. BARZA. If it was unclear so far, this book is a barely decent source of information, which touches the subject of STD’s and STI’s. However, it has a religious dogmatic approach, which places the act of marriage above the quality of life – something profoundly disturbing and unhealthy.